


What Sif learned

by Keenir



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Darcy's explaining again, Lokitty, PWP, bet sif did that deliberately, bruce really likes helping, creating...summoning...feels the same to the senses, seiðr did it, what's worse than being stuck in a cat?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-31
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-21 23:37:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/906295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keenir/pseuds/Keenir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chapter 1:  <i>What Sif learned from Darcy:   </i>    "We can not transform into animals," Sif said.<br/>"Of course you can't," Darcy agreed.  "That would be silly.  You just switch brains like some tv trope."<br/>Chapter 2:  <i>What Sif learned from Bruce:  </i>   Bruce and Sif find out that Thor isn't the only thing they have in common.<br/>Chapter 3:  <i>...and taught:</i>   Sif offers a place to the Abomination, and greets the agents of SHIELD.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ...from Darcy

Not even putting her pillow over her ears kept Darcy from hearing the by-now-familiar sound of a body hitting the wall of the next room.

Groaning and sitting up, she looked at the clock. _Last time I asked, you said the two of you were just exercising. Ugh, I know this town doesn't have a Planet Fitness or anything, but can't you do that during daylight hours or at a gym? Or tell me I'm right about you two going at it like rabbits._

When the noise continued _\- and that sounded like a bookshelf_ \- Darcy amused herself with idle thoughts like _is it deicide if the soon-to-be-murdered gods aren't worshipped by anyone anymore?_ and _next time Jane asks me why I keep buying higher and higher quality soundproof headphones, I'm going to trade rooms with her._

When everything went quiet, Darcy watched her clock. After half an hour had passed, she turned up the volume to its max, then turned on a CD. _Eat Wagner, you ass._

She turned her CD off when there was the sound - distinct from earlier - of something leaping at the wall between her room and theirs, with the distinct undercurrent of trying to get through.

Getting up, she took a peek out her bedroom door, and saw Loki make some sort of a pouncing run out of Sif's room and toward hers. 

Sif was quick to grab him, and not for the first time did Darcy silently thank Somebody that Asgard folk were so damn fast. _And that they have great legs._

"Back inside," Sif said, a bit of warningly advice as she held Loki by his ribs as he was scrabbling at the air, trying to claw out the eyes of anybody else who got close enough. Sif got him back in their room, shut the door, and, after a bit of noise, re-opened the door, arms empty, and said to Darcy, "Could you come here for a time, friend Darcy?"

"You sure? I can stay here, no trouble," Darcy said.

"Please."

"Fine, be right there," she said, tossing on a pair of jeans before leaving her room and walking into Sif's. She saw Loki curled up on the floor, wearing a leash around his body - _what is that, a bedspread and...tell me those aren't Jane's old belts._ And she saw a cat sitting on the edge of the bed beside Sif.

"I should explain," Sif said.

"No, no, what's to explain? Mr. Trickster doesn't like Wagner - neither do most people."

"I would not have you laboring under a misunderstanding."

 _Anyone ever tell you you start talking like Thor when you're not sure how to say something?_ "Oh please, when have I ever done that?" Darcy asked rhetorically.

"You think that that is Loki," Sif said, gesturing to Loki. "When in fact, this is," gesturing to the cat next to her.

 _O-kay, so either warrior girl here has just had a psychotic break, or..._ And she said the first thing that came to her lips: "So he really did turn into a horse once?"

While nothing else so far had, the stare and the dismissive turn of the head - from the cat - convinced Darcy. "How...?"

Sif explained, "After our exercise, Loki went into cat and I rubbed his back for a time. He was about to return, when you performed your music."

"He turned into a cat?" Darcy asked.

"No. He used his magic - a special kind, seiðr - to borrow the cat's body for a time."

_Wait, I've seen this movie - so that wasn't Loki all whacked-out a few minutes ago? That was the cat's brain in Loki?_

"Thor has directed us to the relevant books. We can not transform into animals," Sif said.

Loki-cat made a noise to let them both know what he thought of said books.

"Of course you can't," Darcy agreed. "That would be silly. You just switch brains like some tv trope."

Four eyes looked at her with the sort of incomprehension normally reserved for when Darcy had given them all Star Wars nicknames before sitting them down to watch all the movies. _And its still creepy that they say they knew a guy on Asgard whose military competency was exactly like Jar Jar's._

"Will it take a while, waiting for him to try again and switch back?" Darcy asked.

"Seiðr is costly to any body, even one as accomplished as Loki," Sif said.

_And damn if he doesn't preen at that._

Sif seemed accustomed to that, or she was just not in a mood to be interupted, as she continued, "And it will require at least a day before he can attempt it again. Please do not perform the Wagner when he does."

"Got it," Darcy nodded. "A day with you and Loki-cat. Maybe Jane and Thor too. What could possibly go wrong?" And when one of them answered, "Did you just spit on me?" Darcy asked Loki-cat, who looked at her with perfect innocence. "My dad was a vet. So I know how to neuter your ass."

Loki didn't react...not until he thought Darcy wasn't paying attention, at which point he checked to make sure that fate had not already befallen this body.

"I thought," Sif said, then tried again. "On Midgard, are not the relevant organs not housed in -"

 _Oh God. Or gods as the case is today._ "It's a figure of speech," Darcy said.

"Then you were not in fact threatening Loki?"

This got an inordinately pleased look on the cat's face, which Darcy chose to read as 'see, you can't even properly intimidate a god.'

"Oh no, that was a threat. Its the 'your ass' part...think of it as a more emphasis than just saying 'you' or 'your' at him."

"I see," Sif said, and she did.

******

"We're going out for breakfast," Jane called down. "Anyone not in the car in five minutes, has to walk."

Darcy and Sif thundered down the stairs, the latter securely holding Loki-cat.

"Where's L-" Jane started to ask, but went quiet when Darcy shot her a look that said 'Its a long story, really ungodly long, and you just said we don't have time.'

"Sif," Thor said, walking over to where everyone else was, "would you care to join us for pancakes?"

Loki-cat hissed at Thor from his comfort in Sif's arms.

Scratching Loki-cat between his ears, Sif told Thor, "We would greatly enjoy that with your ass."

Darcy figured Jane's face made up for at least a little of this morning.


	2. ...from Bruce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce and Sif find out that Thor isn't the only thing they have in common.

In Bruce's experience, guys like him only opened their front door to find a beautiful woman standing there for one of two reasons - either she was an assassin sent to coopt him for some highly secretive organization who had no problem using him like the blunt weapon he could become...or he was an extra in a movie, which had happened once, back before.

So when he opened his door, he looked at the tall woman standing there and said, "I think you want the next door over," and started to shut his door. Yes, it was raining out, but he wasn't in a mood to risk another extragovernmental agent, while his neighbor just loved guests. Besides, she was holding a cat, and the Other Guy was not a fan of domestic animals.

She caught the door one-handed, doing it in such a way that gave Bruce the impression she was trying not to accidentally break said door. "I am Sif, friend to Loki and of Thor. I was told that Bruce Banner lives here."

Bruce stepped away from the door, letting her in. "I'll get you a towel," he said, ducking into the closet for one; "have a seat anywhere." _Strange she'd say Loki's name before Thor's, given all he's done. Still, her call._ "Can I get you anything to drink?" hoping he could put off whatever she had come here for, particularly if her reason was even half as perilous as that of the last visitor he'd entertained.

"Jane Foster introduced me to tea," Sif said by way of answer.

"One tea, coming up," Bruce said, and watched the water heat up in the microwave before he took it out and poured two cups.

"Thank you," Sif said when he handed her one of the cups as he sat down on the padded chair; Sif and the cat were on the small sofa.

_Your clothes are dry,_ he observed as he took the towel off his arm and handed it to her as well. _Which probably means you're one of Thor's and Loki's friends from Out There._ "Can I ask, who told you I live here?"

While wiping her face and toweling dry her hair, Sif said, "Jane. She told me where to go, though half of her directions were in hindsight clearly invective."

A thought occurred to Bruce - "Is there a taxi outside and I just didn't see it? If there's a fare, I've no problem with helping, if you don't mind."

"I walked," she said as though it were obvious. The cat nodded.

"Jane lives in New Mexico," Bruce said, once more master of the obvious in his own mind. "You walked from there to -"

"It was not difficult," Sif said. "I have been on longer treks."

"Um, yeah, about that -" only to be interupted by a foul noise from the cat.

"Calm yourself, Loki," Sif told the cat.

"You...you named your cat Loki?" Bruce asked.

"This is not my cat. This is Jane's cat. Loki is simply borrowing him."

"Of course," Bruce said. "What was I thinking?" pretty sure that the Loki-cat's next sound was intended to be mocking laughter.

Not sure what to say, Bruce had no objections to letting silence descend upon the room.

After a while, Sif thought _Really, I should explain. He is my host, and as such is entitled to an answer._ "The Alltongue allows us to speak any language that exists, but there are always corners of a language which require us to obtain clarification."

"And the clarification got you and...Loki kicked out?"

"Yes."

"Well, you're both welcome to stay here if you like," Bruce said. "I'd offer to let you use the bed, but all I have are sofas."

Her facial expression thanking him for the consideration, "The floor will be fine."

"If you're sure? Because I've got plenty of..." and trailed off, the Other Guy figuratively tying Bruce's tongue in a knot before - _before she gets the wrong impression, starts thinking I'm putting a move on her._ Bruce realized, and thanked the Other Guy for the save.

"I am certain," Sif said, and Loki-cat nodded, clearly having a suspicion what Banner had nearly said.

**~~~**

When Loki wakes up in the middle of the night, he notices that nobody has moved. And nobody else was asleep. _Sif and Banner are still holding conversation, and beyond the three, perhaps four of us, none would grasp if the two of them are presently speaking to one another or talking at each other._ So he just made himself comfortable and settled in to watch in silence, rubbing gently against Sif's midsection.

"...and then they wondered why I was tense," Bruce was saying.

"At least you can use a lake with your friends," Sif said.

"I think the list of things I can't do - with or without people who might, maybe, at times be my friends - is longer. No offense."

"You can go to festivals with your companions without everyone feeling awkward."

"No, that's pretty much what happens. Every single time, well, all the times I get talked into it."

"Nobody talks me into anything. Except Loki and Thor, and at times the Warriors Three. You?"

"You've met the Avengers? Not the support staff or the SHIELD agents, though I've no doubt they're all nice people at home. Just the team."

"I have seen their photographs and heard tales from Loki and Thor."

"That's it - that many. Nobody else gives a damn; though I'm not sad about that."

"If I died, I would be given a state funeral, the same as everyone else. But only one person could set my remains burning, and he presently has no thumbs."

"I can't die. Even if I could, most days I think even my Avenger friends would attend my funeral more out of a sense of obligation than closeness. I don't do close, for obvious reasons."

"Very hard to be close. Tried it sometimes."

"Ran to the other side of the world to try it."

"Every time, the people I tried it with, wanted me to be something else. Something I won't be."

"Everyone wants me to stop being me - start being the Other Guy - as soon they find out about him."

"My skills in battle are praised, but never without a qualifier."

"They all want me to fight, though the only person I fight is me. Have to hold the Other Guy in, and its never easy."

"So often I must reign in the urge to go after those who gossip about me. So much of my life is just that."

"Even in a team full of individuals, I stick out."

"The Warriors Three and Sif. Sif and the princes Thor and Loki. The lady Sif who fights alongside the army."

"The Hulk. Nothing patriotic or complimentary. I'd settle for complimentary. Or at least civil."

"Whispers and titterings behind hands every time I don't measure up to their ideas of what I should be."

"More fitting of something that eats babies. Not really even a good one at that. If I was 'the Dragon', yeah, that'd be a riot. No change there."

"Spoken of as the anomaly. Not Sif shield-bearer, but Sif _shield-maiden._

"The big green guy."

"The woman warrior."

"People only want me for one thing."

"People only know me for one thing."

"The other side of me."

"One part of me."

**~~~**

Tony knocked on the door a few times before trying the doorknob - _I suppose locking it would be silly with your personal home security system_ \- and walking in, finding Bruce halfway to the kitchen already and that meant nearly out the door... Tony's eyes went wide when he saw what -or rather who - was behind Bruce. Tsking for good measure, "Doctor Banner, I never thought you were the sort to play and run," Tony teased him, seeing Sif sitting up on the sofa, completely alert and ready for battle, so said all the instruments within Tony's suit. _And she's completely dressed too. Not impossible, believe you me, but her outfit just looks rediculously complicated for that sort of thing._

"I stand corrected," Bruce said to Sif, "I said 'pretty sure its harmless.' More like 'somewhat harmless.'" _Even if I say honestly that we spent the entire night talking until we dozed off, me in my chair and she in my sofa, you wouldn't believe me, Tony. Pretty sure you'd become even more convinced there was something going on between Sif and I if I said that._

"Not even a 'relatively harmless'? I'm hurt. You wound me, doctor," Tony said.

"I think we both know that's not true," Bruce said to him. _The Other Guy can._ "Let me guess, Fury sent you to haul me over to another incipient battle for Earth?"

"Nope."

"North America?"

"Actually, I'm here for her. Borrowed a picture so I'd be sure, and I'm sure, so -"

"This is not the time," Bruce muttered at Tony, then looked at his watch. "Is that the time?"

Tony grinned. "Cheer up, buddy. I've had mornings like yours."

"I sincerely doubt that."

"Okay, minus the risk of leveling my apartment when I stub my toe in the tub. But then, back then, I tended to level my apartment beforehand."

"Why am I needed?" Sif asked, having stood up and smoothed her clothes while Bruce and Tony had conferred.

"Well," Tony said. "Well, Jane wants her cat back. Thor's jumping up and down, all giddy about a chance at reconciliation - did you two have a fight? Rebound, Bruce - not the worst way in the world to pick up chicks."

Loki-cat narrowed his eyes at Stark, already thinking up several inventive ways to strike when he was not a small furry creature.

"Reallly not the time for this, Tony," Bruce said. "You're being more than a little inappropriate."

"Right, right, my bad," Tony said, knowing that in the old days, he would have grinned, held out one hand and said 'hi, I'm Tony Stark. maybe you've heard of me?' To Sif, "Also, I didn't catch the whole story, but it seems somebody left Loki tied to enough belts to qualify as kinky."

"Then we must go," Sif said, picking up Loki-cat. As she walked past them and to the door, "I thank you for your time, Bruce," Sif said, and even Loki-cat made a sound of agreement.

_Aw, isn't that - are you_ blushing _, Banner?_ Tony wondered, and did some back-of-the-hand arithmetic on how long he could potentially tease the doc about this. "Okay, we need to talk strategy."

"Yes?" Sif asked.

"Do you want to hold my neck while we're flying back to meet the others at my place, or would you rather I carry you in my arms?" and had no idea why the cat started hissing and spitting at him.

"I will walk."

"Whoa, look, I get that you're all deified and prideful - no change there from the other two I've met. But we're supposed to be back there in, half an hour, tops. Kinda promised."

"When did she become responsible for your promises?" Bruce asked him.

_Ooh, defensive/protective. Cool,_ and added it to his math. To Sif, "Look, I'm sure you're great when it comes to working those abs and calves and everything, but we're kinda on the clock here, so if we can hurry along?" Tony said.

She answered him, "I walked _to_ here, and I shall walk _from_ here. If you attempt to force me, you will find yourself with an enemy."

Loki-cat nodded and looked rather anticipatory.


	3. ...and taught

"You don't fight shabby," Abomination said as Sif speared through a half dozen HYDRA.

"Nor do you," Sif said, retracting her glaive so the humans fell dead to the floor.

Not ever one to be outdone, Abomination backhanded a HYDRA agent who flew into another, against another, etc until, in a perfect snooker or pool analogy, his half-dozen enemy humans slammed into the room's pocket: the janitor's closet.

Sif grinned.  _Ah, the song and challenge of battle_.  Grabbing a HYDRA fool by the throat, her analogy was more bowling, as she tossed the fool upon a small squad charging at her.  Strike: every one of them toppled.

 _Payback time_ , thought Abomination.  _You let everyone else out of captivity, except me._   And there was a yowling by his feet.

"What is it, Loki?" Sif asked the cat.   They had been making their way back to Jane's,  when, in the grand tradition of songs and epics, this digression happened.

Though still a cat, Loki's power had returned enough for him to now melt the shoes of a larger squad of HYDRA - while they wore those shoes - before conjuring a few wispy runes into the air before Sif.

"They have here a creature they created?  By all means go to it," she invited.

"He's running off?" Abomination asked, grabbing a rocket launcher off an idiot who got too close, pinched the ends, activated it, then tossed it to that HYDRA agent's friends.  "More for us," gladly.

"He'll return," Sif said.  _Though need to keep an eye on Jane's cat, in case of whatever animal mind Loki switches with, isn't of good cheer._

The cat blurred, then resolved.  And then tried to head-butt a trio of HYDRA.

Chuckling, "I like you, cat," Abomination said.

Sif smiled.  _Where are you, Loki?  What are you now?_   "Do you have pressing business in the days and months ahead?" she asked him.

"What're you looking for?"

"Someone to join us on adventures, to partake of battles and celebrations alongside," Sif said.

"Figured I would get asked to be a weapon some more - expected as much."

_Well do I know that feeling._

"But why would you want me at a party?" the Abomination asked while he thwacked flat some idiot with a fancy-smancy metal glove.

"Those who fight in support of one another, drink and feast together," Sif said.  "That is our way."

Abomination considered that.  "Even monsters?"

"My grandmother has eight hundred heads.  My brother was born to nine mothers.  Define 'monster.'"

"Me."

"Green, with many muscles.  Not seeing the monstrosity," Sif remarked.  "Will you join us?"

"The alternative's sticking around here," Abomination remarked.

"Or being brought to a world where you can live in safety.  I do not care for ultimatums, either giving or hearing."

* * *

As Coulson led his newly-reformed team out to the HYDRA base (to both stop the latest plan, and to see what HYDRA was cooking now), he saw Sif walking out of there as the roof caved in in much of the building being eaten by flames.

When the team and she were close enough to converse...

"It's good to see you again, Lady Sif," Simmons said.

"And you as well," Sif said.  "All of you."

"And now that mopping up's done, we can -" Coulson began to say, only to draw his weapons - as did his team.

"Tall and green?" Sif asked.

"Yeah," Skye said.

"He's with me," _to use a humanism._   "He had to find Loki."

Coulson's reaction was hard to miss, particularly for Sif and May, who were used to reading microexpressions.  "L- Loki's here?"

Sif nodded.  "We went for a walk.  Found our friend-to-be battling HYDRA, and we joined alongside him."

"But Abomination's evil," Skye said.

Sif narrowed her eyes.  "And what do you think I, lone shield _maiden_ , was called in my youth by impolite enemies?"

"What the..." May and Fitz said.

"Aand this report just got even harder to write," Coulson said.

Sif turned and saw what body Loki had found to fight in.  "Why would HYDRA bring that savage race back from extinction?" she wondered.

"You see that, right?" Simmons asked Tripplett.

"A-  Big guy holding a cat," Tripplett said, "and walking next to a fluffy pink unicorn?  Yup."

"Not to fear, Loki won't look like that forever," Sif reassured them.

 


End file.
